A few of us got together and decided that there needed to be a more informal newsletter about what is happening in the company. We intend to approach the board for future funding, but for now we have put this together…

Sponsored Walk

We are planning a sponsored walk, with proceeds going to a charity (to be decided). Because TeleCrumb staff have been banned from other sites on the business park, and security will not allow us onto the link roads due to the court order, we will have to hold the walk on our own site. We are giving a prize to the person who can come up with the most interesting walk that does not go within 20 feet of the bike shed.

Bus Service

I am sure you will all be aware of the court order that was placed upon TeleCrumb staff, forbidding them onto other land on the Business Park. This has caused a severe problem as it requires that staff can only proceed across the Business Park to the TeleCrumb main gate by vehicle. Initial measures requiring that people walking to work wait at the park entrance for a TeleCrumb employee to give them a lift are not working. This is because some individuals from our neighbouring companies have been throwing stones and jeering at TeleCrumb staff whilst they wait. Dave D.Davies-Davison from Public Relations has written to the council requesting that the local bus route be extended to within our site boundaries, so that people on foot can join outside the business park and alight within the safety of TeleCrumb land. He is awaiting a response.

Recent Firings

Mo from the pottery club would like to ask people to come and collect their completed pots from the kiln at her house on Thursday evening. Also please note that Sam Scrubb has been fired.

Advertising Campaign

There has been a withdrawal of all TeleCrumb advertising in local papers, following the ruling by the Advertising Standards Council. Staff are asked to collect posters, for display in their car windows, from the north security lodge from this evening. However, you are advised not to display these posters whilst on the Business Park for your own safety.

German Shepherd/Chihuahua cross puppies for sale. Make excellent guard dogs for very small properties. Apply to Jim in the west security lodge.

42 Foot swimming pool for sale. Round, white. Could be used as large gazebo if mounted on sturdy legs. Call Arthur’s bric-a-brac on 01779 409812. Or call in for other fantastic oddities.

Citroen 2CV. 1982 good condition. MOT. FSH. Purple and green with leopard skin interior. Keys on the rear driver side tyre. Please remove free of charge, quickly, no questions asked.

Building 10. The lease for building 10 expires at the end of the month and we will be evicted if a freehold buyer is not found who will allow us to continue to use it (preferably free of charge). £395,000 – suit wealthy, kind hearted, staff member with promotion aspirations.

Lost and Found

Lost Pedigree Champion Chihuahua Bitch. Kennel club name Princess Lyksabitoruff. Last seen by the west gate entrance. Reward for safe return. Phone Justin on extension 265.

Satellite dish. 13 metre, white, went missing from the dish farm over the weekend. Call Brian, head of security, on 217 if you have any information.

Mrs. A.Birdlington was found. Would the owner please collect her from the main building reception before Friday evening, otherwise she will be disposed of by auction.

Contributions

Please e-mail any contributions to me directly for inclusion in the official newsletter once we get authorisation to proceed. Apologies to Mr and Mrs Latex for not printing their advertisement, however, we felt that its content was inappropriate to print. However, Susan and I would like to make a booking for 8pm on Friday if possible.

Kindest Regards,

Jarvis Smeethfield