From: Frank Artwhistle (fart@telecrumb.gov.jp.co.uk)
To: James Erkanshaw (jerk@telecrumb.gov.jp.co.uk)
Subject: I'm off you git
Sent at: 14:02

Jim, I have been with the company for eight months, and so far I have never met you. Despite numerous e-mail's, voicemail messages and a written note, you have not replied at all. On Thursday I contacted your Secretary at last, but she said that you were in an important sales meeting in Longleat, and could not be contacted as you were 500 foot up in a balloon. I find it surprising that the Head of Operations is required in sales meetings.

Quite frankly I expect more from my line manager. "Hey Frank", you said, "come and work here, its a really cool place to be", you said. Well you were not wrong, as I have spent pretty much all of my time on sites fixing equipment in the bitter cold. On the day that I joined Telecrumb no one knew of my appointment. A lady from HR tried to get me ejected from the building by security, until they managed to get hold of your secretary who confirm that you never bother with the forms and paperwork and it was highly probable that I was supposed to start work.

Of course, because you did not fill in the payroll form, I have never been paid. I can't be certain, but I believe that I am the only engineer in the North Region (i fact I might be the only engineer in the whole country for all I know). My backlog of work is six months long, and grows every day. My mortgage company are about to repossess my house because I could not make the payments. Last week I complained at the state of my company van, but the Fleet Team took my keys away saying that I had no right to a company vehicle because I was not on their list. For the seven days I have been visiting site on public transport and foot, and have spent two hundred pounds, that I don't have, on fares.

Well enough is enough, I curse the day I ever met you in the Dog & Reptile, I think you are a loathsome git, you have no management, supervisor or human qualities whatsoever. So I am off, I will never darken the steps of Telecrumb ever again. My application for Legal Aid has been accepted (no problem there as I am official classed as destitute), so I am suing Telecrumb for pay and you for just about everything that anyone has ever been sued for!

I would say kind regards and farewell, but instead I hope that the balloon bursts, you see your death approaching rapidly and get impaled on a million pitch forks piled in the lion enclosure.

Frank.

telecrumb.gov.jp.co.uk domain server telemail4 processed your request at 14:03.
Mailserver2: James Erkanshaw (jerk@telecrumb.gov.jp.co.uk) responded to your e-mail, message reads:

From: Susan Megalomaniac (smeg@telecrumb.gov.jp.co.uk)
on behalf of: James Erkanshaw (jerk@telecrumb.gov.jp.co.uk)
To: Frank Artwhistle (fart@telecrumb.gov.jp.co.uk)
Subject: Response to: I'm off you git
Sent at: 17:12


Hi Frank, good to hear from you. Keep up the good work. I'll catch up with you soon, but I must rush as I have a photo shoot with Catherine Zeta Jones for one of those tiresome promotional videos, but at least the party afterwards at Stringfellows will deaden the boredom of it all.

Sorry to hear about the problems with HR, I'll try to send an e-mail to Dave Bridges and say how annoyed I am.

Toodle pip,
Jim.

P.S. Frank, this is Susan, I phoned Jim and read out your e-mail, and he dictated the above response. The man is a twerp. I am on the verge of resigning myself, so if you want to get together sometime we could maybe make an voodoo doll of him and stick pins in it together over several bottles of Scotch. Good luck with the solicitor, let me know how it turns out and I might use the same firm for my case.