Issue 1, Volume 1 Regrets It is with regret that I must inform you that this first copy of the TeleSocial will be the last due to recent cutbacks. Although the team use only their own time to compile and print this newsletter, the management have decided that if we can afford time at home to do this then we can work instead. Sponsored Walk The sponsored walk from building 1 to building 7 was a success with £45.12 being raised for charity by the 12 walkers. The organiser would, however, request that this money is sent to Great Orcland Street Hospital without delay as Finance seem to have forgotten what the money was intended for. Bus Services I am sad to report that the local council have suspended the 42a bus route which made a special drop for staff at the lower gate. Allegations have been made that TeleCrumb security have been charging the bus drivers a fee to come on to company land. Squash Please note that the squash courts have been suspended for use as the planning team are now using these for their temporary office space. Would those of you who have insisted on playing please stop doing so as this is severely disrupting the team's work. John Carter-Sprowly, manager of the team, is currently fighting a battle with House Services to have the coin-operated lights bypassed. Shooting The following staff will be shot: David Strathclyde – MIS, for failure to attend whilst on-call. Jim Jameson – Finance, for failure to report the loss of the General Ledger. Jackie Farawayplace – Planning, for foregtting to go to the bank for a bag of 20p pieces. Justin Shortbyamile – Security, for failure to collect fees from Misborough SouthEast Bus Co.

For Sale 1973 Golf, original shape, original engine, all new ashtray, needs some attention, hence £2490 for a quick sale. Ladies full length leather coat, complete with lady. £50 per hour, apply Sue on extension 234. Jaguar XK8, 15,000 miles, dark blue, registration V1 DSF. Free of charge, buyer collects from North Car park after 8pm, bring a crow bar. Security Lodge – seats two, complete with barrier, two guards, kettle and box of assorted keys. Free of charge, buyer collects from North Car park before 8pm, bring a fork-lift truck. Golden Retriever – dead, hence £20 for a quick sale. Would suit budding taxidermist or beastiality necrophiliac. Call Brian on extension 398 or pop round to 11, Blake Crescent after dark. Sherman Tank for hire. £55 per hour, live shells £20 each. With driver/operator extra £10 per hour. Would suit disgruntled employee. Call Justin Shortbyamile on extension 777 or visit the North Car Park security lodge. Wrap Up Well, that is the end of our first and last newsletter. Please remember to complete the petition in the reception lounge for those who object to everything that the Board do, and do not be deterred by Belinda’s accident after she became the first signatory. Regards, TeleED (aka Jarvis Smeethfield)