From: David Splinter-Fould, Group MD.

To: All Staff Members.

Re: Company Performance

Dear Staff Members,

I am sure it cannot have escaped your notice that Telecrumb has not been doing too well over the past few months, and if we were allowed to be listed on the stock exchange, I am sure our shares would have plummeted below the £1 level. I will not burden you with the technicalities of how this predicament arose, but suffice it to say that the directors should have warned me about over stretching our acquisition strategy, and Finance should have stepped in when I signed the loan agreements. But we are where we are because of your incompetence, and it pains me to have to tell you that the most successful of our ventures today went up for sale. Bob's Baps is now on the market, and we have had a lot of interest from the French catering giant "Poulet-Sans-Flavoir".

Those of you who were with us last year, will remember the thrill of our first UK acquisition and the promise of cheaper catering for all staff. After two months, the van on the A3025 was re-badged as "TeleCrumb International Baps" and it was not long afterwards that sales started to drop off. Bob, MD of the TCIB division gave us an insight into what went wrong: "Bloody idiots, you should have left well alone, now no f**cking trucker will go near my van with a stupid name like this, I curse the day I ever got involved with TeleCrumb".

Income from the TCIB division fell 22% to £842, still streets ahead of the next most profitable division "TeleCrumb Origami Nippon" which brought in a mere £42.90 (after conversion from Yen) in 2000. TeleCrumb losses stand at £19Bn and growing by £1M per hour, and I hope that a successful sale of TCIB may raise sufficient capital to reduce this debt by 50%.

Cheeriest regards,
Janice Spryhorn-Likely.

PA to the Group MD who knows sweet FA about anything.