Welcome to the web site about TeleCrumb Limited. TeleCrumb aims to be the number one Telecommunications provider in the world by 2020. Named after its founder and current Chairman, Alfred Crumb, the company started out in 1998 from humble beginnings in modest offices on a business park in the town of Rabies in the county of Misborough. This page contains the stuff that TeleCrumb would rather you did not know about... but if you are unfortunate enough to need the services of this telco, then click on the official logo below.

Due to non-payment of invoices for TeleCrumb web hosting, Dr.Dudd has commissioned a number of cartoons containing characters from the inept firm. For the first time ever you can meet the very idiots below...
 

Say hello to Ned. He is a typical TeleCrumb worker, and will appear in most of the cartoons. Ned is a simple fellow who has taken well to the TeleCrumb way, being a master of the inept workarounds, schemes, and idiosyncrasies that allow him to be viewed as an effective employee whilst achieving nothing. Ned has a secret crush on Janice Spryhorn-Likely (P.A. to the M.D.) and is desperate to be promoted.				From his personnel file. Name: Sandwich, Ned Age: 34 Job Title: Telecoms Project Engineer Salary: £32,000 basic, £4,348 after deductions Entitlement to company car: Never in a million years Grade: C Grade points from next promotion: 32,871,903,971 Notes: This employee is not known to hold any sensitive information about the company that may entitle him to a 'special bonus'. Co-workers have reported extreme B.O.
NAME: COME ON WORK YOU PILE OF WORTHLESS, BEEP WEIGHT: 85 Kg (WITH HIS WHEELS ON) ARMOUR: KEVLAR SHELL, EMITS CONSTANT EXHAUST FUMES WEAPONS: DEADLY 'DEAD-PAN' STARE, CUTTING HUMOUR AND TWIN ION CANONS SPEED: 0.5MPH IN THE OFFICE, 122MPH ELSEWHERE VULNERABILITIES: STAIRS		Beep was created by Simon, the MD's nephew. He is supposed to be an office helper, doing all those jobs that no one else wants to do, but he was built without a 'give-a-damn' chip, which means he never does anything except hang around annoying people. Ned talks to Beep to relieve the boredom of his life. Simon draws a very comfortable salary from Beep's non-work in the office.
Meet mister efficiency! Archie struts about the workplace with a sense of purpose and urgency not found in other TeleCrumb employees. Unfortunately Archie was never told what his job is, but he does a good job of convincing everyone around him that he is both essential and effective in his role. A while ago Beep discovered that Archie has no job title or responsibilities, but luckily for Archie the blue robot could not be bothered to tell anyone.				From his personnel file. Name: Rancid, Archibald Age: 42 Job Title: ** CLASSIFIED ** Salary: £84,000 basic, £4,348 after deductions Entitlement to company car: Yes, but don't tell him Grade: F minus Grade points from next promotion: 11 Notes: A thoroughly decent chap recruited for his excellent skills by David Splinter-Fould. Jenny Aupare discovered Archibald outside the bedroom window of Fould Manor whilst Mrs. Splinter-Fould was  visiting her family in Greece. 'Special bonus' is payable if Mr. Rancid attempts to show photographic evidence.

The Inane Writings of TeleCrumb...

 This section contains a collection of documents plucked from the files of the Personal Assistant to the TeleCrumb Group MD.

Dire Straits 15.01.02
Midnight Club 25.10.01
TeleCrumb GMBH 24.09.01
Newsletter 2 - 12.09.01
I Resign - 08.09.01
Company Performance - 03.09.01
Newsletter 1 - 20.08.01
Reorganisation - 20.08.01
Cheese and Wine - 20.08.01

TeleCrumb is a totally fictitous company. Any resemblance to any real company is totally coincidental and very sad for that company! The characters within TeleCrumb are also fictitious, but you will probably recognise them as the people that inhabit the offices where you work. Any such recognition is simply a warped connection by your brain, and is in no way truthful.

WARNING: If the antics of TeleCrumb resemble the company that you work for in any way, then GET OUT NOW!

This site has been rated Certificate SMG (Senior Management Guidance advised). Please be aware that Senior Managers, Directors, Chief Execs etc may find this site a little too close to the truth.